I read about an amazing new cure for cancer, AIDS, heart disease, and diabetes today. Miracle, some have called it. It will help the blind see and the lame walk, find you a new job and buy you a new car. The name of this wonder drug?
Yes, believe it or not, scientists in the US have discovered the miraculous regenerative powers of pure bull shit. It came after they noticed how healthy the grass in a field was that bulls were regularly shitting on, as opposed to the grass in their own field that they had taken to shitting on. One was quoted as saying,
“Well, we always heard the grass is always greener in someone else’s yard, and now we know why! It’s complete bullshit!”
Skeptics have expressed concerns that this new bullshit cure may be nothing more than hot air, yet after being fed bullshit for weeks on end, they too are reporting the amazing power of pure bullshit,
“At first I was worried that bullshit wasn’t all it seemed,” said one.
“But now I know better, humanity thrives on bullshit, it’s beyond time we all accepted it. I’ve never been more full of shit and it has set all my worries aside.”
The power of bullshit comes from its ability to reprogram your brain to believe that bullshit will do everything that it claims, and more. Then all you need to do is swallow all the bullshit available and you will live a life of bliss.
Not without controversy, bullshit was linked to the alleged miracle weight-loss scheme BS in recent years, however, the scientists at the centre of this study have moved quickly to allay fears,
“The BS Plan had one central error,” said Dr Hugh Manne, head of the study and author of the book, Spoon-Fed Bullshit.
“What some seemed to be advocating was fucking bullshit, we just want you to swallow it.”

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