Sir George, Protector of the Queensland

What better way to get into the spirit of Easter, than to be spoon-fed outdated and far right-wing views. George Brandis has, this week, reminded us why voting Liberal means voting for yesterday’s tomorrow. In an interview with online magazine Spiked! the Attorney-General has described as “medieval, the approach of these true believers in climate change”.

If accepting scientific evidence of a causal link between carbon pollution and climate change is a dark ages approach to intellectual debate, does that mean the government is intent on legislating a hunter-gatherer society?

I can see their rationale: “Fire good, warm, make food hot. Fire make help for Tony and George to see at dark night. Keep big animal away. Fire not hurt unless too close to fire. Fire is George’s friend.”

In all seriousness though, this “new” Australia is clearly what the plague doctor ordered and the more we think about it, the clearer it becomes; when Tony Abbott introduced the plan to bring back knighthoods, he was simply pandering to the majority of the peasants in the kingdom. A medieval society needs knights to protect us from the hordes tearing across the countryside. We need a better understanding of 21st century issues, like the plague or feudal land rights and taxes being paid to the local lords.
Furthermore, it is believed that in the coming weeks the government plans to launch an inquiry in conjunction with the Catholic Church as well as local Hispanic groups. Intended to address the decline in morality and faith, as well as creating state-sponsored censorship laws to protect the public from the evils of the world.

This time around, it shouldn’t be a surprise.

That said, Senator Brandis’ legislation to allow bigotry is a good thing; it stops the local serfs from trying to gain education, lest they overthrow the aristocracy. Our fields still need tilling and hearths require the wood collected from the forests. This is where the protestors and commentators got it wrong, saying that the government was trying to recreate the 1950s. They were off by about a thousand years.

Even if we take a slightly less cynical view of what he had to say, the off-the-cuff composition of Georgey-boy is still 30 years out of date. Warnings of an Orwellian future to justify his drive to edit sections 18C and 18D of the Racial Discrimination Act are meant as cautionary metaphors; the last thing anyone wants is the dystopian future of Nineteen Eighty-Four, or for that matter, anything to do with Big Brother.


George Brandis has put the fear into all of us.

I’m not going to espouse the views of the left, because on so many issues, they are wrong. Just as I wouldn’t consider supporting the right wing zealots in their brutal assault on reason and sense. All I want is for people to consider how fucking stupid this current batch of politicians really is… and then act on it. To echo the colloquial nature of a former PM; “Deadset, I’ve never shone my peepers on a more useless bunch of drongos. Now where’s my fucking hairdrier?”

This is the part where I would usually try to inspire greatness and change, but, today, fuck that. Instead, I’m off to the swamps to collect leeches, because with an out of touch government and the pending sale of public health, we need up-to-date medical practices. To close, I’ll bastardise a quote from another relevant PM: “Well may we say ‘God save the Queen’ because no one should save the Attorney-General.”

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