Do you struggle with the idea of having to run the gauntlet of rabid political party enthusiasts? Do you wish you could let them down gently, or maybe with a snappy comeback to their t-shirt slogan?
Dean’s lines for rejecting and refusing how-to-vote cards
– Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit.
– If you touch me, I’ll scream.
– I had no idea that the LNP members were so ugly. Are your parents related?
– If I had to choose between voting for ISIS and the Christian Democrats, I’d be stuck.
– Look pal, if Mike Baird wanted my vote, he would have swiped right on me. Who texts anymore?
– That’s a very interesting point, but did you know that Luke Foley is an anagram for fuck off?
– Greens hey? Hmmm, I would vote Green but whale meat is delicious.
– I can’t vote Shooters and Fishers, my parole conditions require me to surrender all firearms.
– No. No. No. No. No thanks. No. No. OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF? You are? Oh shit, this sure is awkward. Well it sucks to be you. Now go teach a gorilla how to vote.
If none of these work, you can always sprint through with your eyes closed and fingers in your ears. Don’t worry about offending anyone, these people are handing out how-to-vote cards, they gave up all self-respect when they volunteered.
Have a sausage sandwich and enjoy your democracy folks. Remember, your vote could also cost Tony Abbott his job.