The following is the true, previously untold, story of what happened on this day in the history of black America.
Ask schoolchildren who George Washington Carver is and they might guess that he invented peanut butter, or possibly cut down his mother’s favorite cherry tree. While George W. Carver is famous in-part for his incredible work with America’s favorite legume, few are aware of the true story behind the greatest real-life action hero the world has ever known. In 1870, Carver prevented the murder of President Grover Cleveland by triggering anaphylaxis in the would-be assassin. When saw the killer carrying a musket into the Missouri Book Depository building, Carver sprang into action. His trusty bag of salted peanuts at his side, Carver followed the shooter to the seventh floor and as he kneeled to take his shot, Carver started throwing the nuts at the man. Carver had overheard the man mention his peanut allergy earlier in the day but thought little of it; however when he realized what was about to happen, Carver acted like a true patriot and protected his Commander in Chief. Later that same day, Carver helped an old lady cross the road and also rescued a cat from a tree.
As for the man behind the attempt on the President’s life? His name was John Adams Oswald, the great-grandfather of Lee Harvey Oswald.
This is satire and is not intended to offend anyone. If you believe this is in any way racist, please contact me on Twitter to discuss why you don’t agree with this post.