My God, What Have We Done?

July 3rd, 2019

Happy Freedom Day! Praise be to Supreme Minister Morrison! Long may he govern!

It’s incredible how much can be achieved in three years. Goodness, it was incredible how much could be achieved in just one day. On that holiest of Sundays, the borders were closed, the state religion established, the welfare rats were forced into the jobs they claimed they couldn’t find, and the terrorists at the ABC were executed for treason.

No one expected Scott Morrison to seize the leadership the day after the 2016 election, though Propaganda Minister Bolt has always maintained that his ascension that day was inevitable.
No one expected Supreme Minister Morrison to find himself with an approval rating of ninety-six percent just two days later. The day the polling was released, our beloved voice of the people, The Daily Telegraph, dedicated an entire issue to the humble boy from the Shire.
No one expected the Australian economic boom that came from the management of Treasurer Cormann. In an exclusive interview with the Telegraph today, he credited the Supreme Minister for the success of the nation,
“Only Herr Morrison had the foresight to keep the Australian people out of the Labor recession. The budget black hole our Supreme Minister inherited from the sinister ALP had stopped growth, destroyed jobs and we all know what happened after they declared war on businesses. They wanted to use tax as bullets. War Minister Bernardi knew the only way to combat this was using bullets as bullets. And where are the Labor pigs now? They all ran off to their caves like little girly men.”

Over the last three years, our great nation has grown beyond all expectations. It wasn’t all easy, there was some resistance at first, but after the extradition deal signed with President Dutton of Nauru, the defiant opposition were no longer a problem for our glorious leader. Since that day, we have only grown stronger.
For the safety of all Australians, the Minister for Information, George Brandis, has ensured that all data is constantly monitored. The expansion of ASIO has given us all the opportunity to report any suspicions, no matter how small the matter may seem. Continuous patrols of all neighbourhoods by the Federal Police has reduced crime to nearly zero.
Mining Minister Joyce fulfilled the promise of jobs and growth when the war criminals and socialist protesters were forced into the employ of Her Magnificence, the Empress Gina I of the Commonwealth of Western Australia.
As Minister for Morality, George Christensen helped the Supreme Minister to outlaw homosexuality and the immoral education of children. Now, any children identified to have queer leanings are taken to conversion camps in rural Queensland, spending days, weeks and years there until they can accept that any challenge to the heteronormative state is bigotry and hatred and must be stamped out.
The High Bishop of Christ, Minister Abbott, has led the hearts and minds of the nation to a new enlightenment. We can only find satisfaction and glory in working hard and supporting our government. “Whose side are you on?” has become our rallying cry.
Hero of the people and Minister for Workers, Eric Abetz created a newer, stronger employment force, with unions and non-government organisations outlawed.
Close friend of the government, Royal Commissioner Lambie made the historic discovery that sharia law does indeed involve terrorism. Along with Queensland Premier Pauline Hanson, she helped expel all the criminal Muslims who refused to convert to the state religion.
The highlight for all Australians though, was when Grand Admiral Pyne annexed New Zealand with his powerful fleet of newly-built submarines.

Our new Governor General, Dame Julie Bishop, appointed Supreme Minister Morrison Liberal Leader for Life on the second anniversary of his rise to power. President Trump and British PM Farage were both in attendance for this wondrous event, both commenting on Australia’s resilience in the “War On Darkies”.
This, of course, was when Freedom Day was declared.

Today, as we celebrate our second Freedom Day, the former leader and traitor to the cause, Malcolm Turnbull, is due to be publicly shamed for suggesting that perhaps the government he lost had gone too far to the right. As the national newspaper, The Australian, correctly asserted, if anything, the Supreme Minister has been too generous in his treatment of the left. Only half of those identified as “leftards” were lynched, the rest were allowed the honour of rebuilding the Tasmanian logging industry.
There has never been a more exciting time to be an Australian.


Our Supreme Minister, the Most Honourable Scott Morrison

3 thoughts on “My God, What Have We Done?

  1. Pingback: In Canberra, They’re Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas | shutupandreadthis

  2. Pingback: Malcolm Bligh and the Mutiny of the Turnbull | shutupandreadthis

  3. Pingback: Two-Thirds Gaolbirds | shutupandreadthis

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