They say a week is a long time in politics, but holy mother of fuck, what a goddamned week. Apologies for the language, but Jesus Christ, this roller coaster of spills, rumours, leaks, and arithmetic seemed like it would never end.
How is this week not over yet? I mean, seriously. Today was a day that made most Australians long for a simpler time, when popular Prime Ministers were knifed overnight and the country could just move on. I'd laugh if it wasn't all just so fucking exhausting.
At the time of writing, the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Australia is Malcolm Turnbull.
There was movement in the nation, for the word had passed around That the dolt whom all regret was led astray, And had joined the wild right-wingers - he was worth a million pound, So all the banks had gathered to the fray.
An Australian Senator invoked the language of THE LITERAL NAZI PARTY to demand a plebiscite on the White Australia policy, 50 years after it was dismantled by Harold Holt and Gough Whitlam.
Barnaby Joyce is a self-interested, openly corrupt, opportunistic scumbag, with no place in Australian politics, but I wouldn't want him to kill himself.
Hey gang, let's rap. Old man Turnbull is about to drop a deuce on the economy, because his upcoming Federal Budget (which is like, where he hands out all the skrillah) is going to throw hella shade at younger voters, all because he wants to slide into dem Baby Boomer DMs. I'm shook y'all.
This was written on Dharawal land. It contains images of Aboriginal and Islander people now deceased.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Lower House, not a creature was stirring, except for Tony Abbott, though he would describe his behaviour as "defending a conservative vision for Australia".
I'm just going to say it. Anyone boycotting the vote in this bullshit postal plebiscite is worse than Tony Abbott. He may be a homophobic piece of shit, but at least he's standing up for what he believes in. This is your chance to shut him up.