It's a no-holds-barred race to the bottom with Scott Morrison receiving praise for "doing things" while Shorten is attacked for being Shorten; Clive Palmer has paid his way back into political relevance without ever having to pay his workers; and Pauline Hanson's One Nation is competing with the Liberal party for the highly coveted title Most Trash Candidates Nominated in a Single Election.
There is a deeply concerning perception problem in Australian politics, and this has been the case for some time. Many seem to think that the Labor and Liberal parties are essentially the same. In policy; personnel; propensity to knife a sitting Prime Minister; thousands, if not millions, of Australians believe that they could not be more similar. Only, they're not.
Last year, I tried to offer a white, male perspective on the issue of January 26, because I saw that there was clearly a market for Caucasian mediocrity in the "sensible Centre". Let's try this again.
On a scale of one to ten, Australian politics in 2018 has been a steaming pile of shit. And that's putting it mildly. We've seen yet another LibSpill; Senators openly pining for the policies of the Nazi Party; the government supporting white supremacy; and Bill Shorten still hasn't found a way to make people like him.
They say a week is a long time in politics, but holy mother of fuck, what a goddamned week. Apologies for the language, but Jesus Christ, this roller coaster of spills, rumours, leaks, and arithmetic seemed like it would never end.
There was movement in the nation, for the word had passed around
That the dolt whom all regret was led astray,
And had joined the wild right-wingers - he was worth a million pound,
So all the banks had gathered to the fray.
Hey gang, let's rap. Old man Turnbull is about to drop a deuce on the economy, because his upcoming Federal Budget (which is like, where he hands out all the skrillah) is going to throw hella shade at younger voters, all because he wants to slide into dem Baby Boomer DMs. I'm shook y'all.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Lower House, not a creature was stirring, except for Tony Abbott, though he would describe his behaviour as "defending a conservative vision for Australia".
The legislation being proposed by a "rebel group" of backbench Liberals is a travesty. While the bill would technically legalise marriage equality, it will also enshrine religious bigotry in law, guaranteeing that gay marriage can be seen as something less than the marriage between a man and a woman.
Bill Shorten has doubled-down on his Australia First rhetoric, with an ad that can only be described as 'whiter than the cast of a Channel Nine show'.