On a scale of one to ten, Australian politics in 2018 has been a steaming pile of shit. And that's putting it mildly. We've seen yet another LibSpill; Senators openly pining for the policies of the Nazi Party; the government supporting white supremacy; and Bill Shorten still hasn't found a way to make people like him.
This week we witnessed the collapse of the Liberal Party of Australia. In the most exceptionally stupid display of unhinged arrogance from any Australian government in living memory, Scott Morrison and the Liberals signalled their intent to make Bill Shorten the next Prime Minister.
They say a week is a long time in politics, but holy mother of fuck, what a goddamned week. Apologies for the language, but Jesus Christ, this roller coaster of spills, rumours, leaks, and arithmetic seemed like it would never end.
How is this week not over yet? I mean, seriously. Today was a day that made most Australians long for a simpler time, when popular Prime Ministers were knifed overnight and the country could just move on. I'd laugh if it wasn't all just so fucking exhausting.
At the time of writing, the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Australia is Malcolm Turnbull.
There was movement in the nation, for the word had passed around
That the dolt whom all regret was led astray,
And had joined the wild right-wingers - he was worth a million pound,
So all the banks had gathered to the fray.
Hey gang, let's rap. Old man Turnbull is about to drop a deuce on the economy, because his upcoming Federal Budget (which is like, where he hands out all the skrillah) is going to throw hella shade at younger voters, all because he wants to slide into dem Baby Boomer DMs. I'm shook y'all.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Lower House, not a creature was stirring, except for Tony Abbott, though he would describe his behaviour as "defending a conservative vision for Australia".
The legislation being proposed by a "rebel group" of backbench Liberals is a travesty. While the bill would technically legalise marriage equality, it will also enshrine religious bigotry in law, guaranteeing that gay marriage can be seen as something less than the marriage between a man and a woman.
As a politics junkie, the lack of Fairfax insight on Budget night is genuinely troubling. It means most of the country will be getting their in-depth analysis from News Corp media or other conservative sources like Channel Nine.