It's a no-holds-barred race to the bottom with Scott Morrison receiving praise for "doing things" while Shorten is attacked for being Shorten; Clive Palmer has paid his way back into political relevance without ever having to pay his workers; and Pauline Hanson's One Nation is competing with the Liberal party for the highly coveted title Most Trash Candidates Nominated in a Single Election.
There is a deeply concerning perception problem in Australian politics, and this has been the case for some time. Many seem to think that the Labor and Liberal parties are essentially the same. In policy; personnel; propensity to knife a sitting Prime Minister; thousands, if not millions, of Australians believe that they could not be more similar. Only, they're not.
The commercialisation of Anzac Day goes far beyond whichever advertising executive will shit the bed on April 25 with a tone-deaf attempt to cash in on the "ANZAC Spirit". This is a day which has become a battleground for right-wing culture warriors desperate to exploit the boozed-up bogans eager to defend 'Straya in the trenches of focused and persistent online abuse.
Last year, I tried to offer a white, male perspective on the issue of January 26, because I saw that there was clearly a market for Caucasian mediocrity in the "sensible Centre". Let's try this again.
On a scale of one to ten, Australian politics in 2018 has been a steaming pile of shit. And that's putting it mildly. We've seen yet another LibSpill; Senators openly pining for the policies of the Nazi Party; the government supporting white supremacy; and Bill Shorten still hasn't found a way to make people like him.
This week we witnessed the collapse of the Liberal Party of Australia. In the most exceptionally stupid display of unhinged arrogance from any Australian government in living memory, Scott Morrison and the Liberals signalled their intent to make Bill Shorten the next Prime Minister.
They say a week is a long time in politics, but holy mother of fuck, what a goddamned week. Apologies for the language, but Jesus Christ, this roller coaster of spills, rumours, leaks, and arithmetic seemed like it would never end.
How is this week not over yet? I mean, seriously. Today was a day that made most Australians long for a simpler time, when popular Prime Ministers were knifed overnight and the country could just move on. I'd laugh if it wasn't all just so fucking exhausting.
At the time of writing, the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Australia is Malcolm Turnbull.
There was movement in the nation, for the word had passed around
That the dolt whom all regret was led astray,
And had joined the wild right-wingers - he was worth a million pound,
So all the banks had gathered to the fray.